Remember Kids, Try This at Home (or even better try this at Rome: a recipe)

I have a confession to make, dear Braisers.  I haven't been making desserts lately.  I don't know why....maybe it's my decision to be a little healthier that has steered my subconscious away from sugar (and towards duckfat, bacon, and cream soups), maybe there's some insecurity in the face of some of the wonderful desserts presented by my friends.....or maybe it's just that I have a penis.  Who can say?  But I recently had the opportunity, nay privilege of making one.  And not just any dessert....one of those fancy ones with the foreign names.  Of course I'm referring to....Tiramisu. 

 Here's how it all went down. 

I don't know how many of you remember, but a little while ago, I wrote a little story.  It was about how, while traveling in Europe, my traveling companion and I, in a star-crossed attempt at walking to the Catacombs accidentally stumbled across a gorgeous and unique restaurant.  One of the oldest working restaurants in Rome, actually...Hostaria Antica Roma, and it's chef/server/owner/all around friendly guy, Paolo.  You can read all about it here, if you'd like.

In doing some of the research for the entry, I sought out their website and Facebook pages (the story took place many years ago, so I had to drain some of the scotch from the old memory bank).  When I was finished with the whole thing, I sent a copy to Paolo.  Thought he might get a kick out of it.  That was all...

...and then about a week or so later I got an Email.

It was Paolo.

He was giving me his Tiramisu recipe to use in the blog!

Fuck.  Yes.

I HAD to make it!  There was just no way around it....people don't just give up their money-making recipes to some douchebag online everyday, do they?  No, really.  DO they??   Lemme tell ya gang, this is the real deal and it is bangin'  I'm just gonna give you the straight text from Paolo himself (any procedural notes I have will be made in red...and any dick or fart jokes I have will be in blue).  So without further ado:

Paolo's Tiramisu

Yer gonna need:

500g Mascarpone Cheese (approx 1 lb)

6 Pasteurized Eggs

2 Pkgs Savoiardi Lady Fingers

3 Tbl Sugar

8 Espresso-sized cups of coffe (approx 14 oz)

4 Tbl Powdered Unsweetened Cocoa

**Couple of notes on your ingredients before we get started:  There are a couple different kinds of lady fingers to choose from, they range from long slender LADY fingers, to thick, flabby, spongy PLUMMERS fingers.  Get as close to you can to the slender ones.  They'll look more like crisp cookies than spongecake.  Also, I took a look at there's about 20 different ingredients (mostly unpronounceable chemicals) in the spongy fingers compared to 5 (all of which easily recognizable) in the cookie fingers.


Also it may be interesting to note that this is absent of the brandy, rum, or coffee liqueur often found in Tiramisu recipes.**

Primary Steps:

1. Bring all ingredients to room temperature.  [This cannot be stressed enough.  Mascarpone is similar in texture to cream cheese and should be pretty soft before trying to incorporate anything into it.  Overnight is perfect (don't worry the packages are sealed, so it won't go bad or anything) but a minimum of a couple hours is required.  DO NOT SKIP THIS]

2. Make and pour espresso into a shallow, flat-bottomed container.    Add one Tsp cocoa and allow to cool to room temperature.  [At this point Paolo points out that if you've decided instead to use regular coffee; take it and put it into a cup.  Then drink it and make some real espresso, so don't skimp out.  ]

3. Separate Egg Yolks and Whites.

air incorporated into yolks

Mixing:

 1. In the first mixing bowl, beat yolks and sugar until cream and lightened in color.  Add Mascarpone & mix until blended.  

mascarpone added

mixture fully incorporated

2. In a second mixing bowl, beat egg whites until fluffy.  If you use pasteurized eggs, this may take a while.  [Boy he's not kidding.  Pasteurized eggs are eggs that have been heated to a specific temperature for a specific amount of time in order to kill any harmful bacteria inside.  Since we're using raw eggs and we're not gonna be cooking them, it's important to have them.  But if you trust your egg source and haven't had any problems or anything, go with regular.  The pasteurized egg typically behaves and tastes like a regular egg, but it DOES take a lot longer to whip.  I enlisted the aid of my trusty stand mixer.]  

2. Fold beaten egg whites into Mascarpone mixture.  Mix only enough to blend.  Over mixing will deflate the egg whites.

3. Quickly dip Savoiardi in the espresso bowl.  To get the right amount of espresso on the Savoiardi, lay the finger flat in the bottom of the container with the espresso sugar side UP.  Immediately pull it out.  Then place each finger in your serving dish sugar side DOWN.  The finger will quickly soak up the espresso, so if you soak the Savoiardi, you'll end up with a soggy mess instead of moist fingers. [heh....moist fingers].

Assembly:

1.  Build a layer of Savoiardi across the bottom of the pan.  If some of the Savoiardi do not look 'dark' from the espresso, spoon a few more drops of espresso to darken.  Any excess espresso in the bottom of the pan will be absorbed by the Savoiardi, but too much will turn the fingers into a soggy mess.  

2. Spoon a layer of the Mascarpone mixture across the layer of Savoiardi.  Use about 1/2 of the Mascarpone mix.  The layer should be about 1cm (3/8 in) thick.

3. Dip and lay another layer of Savoiardi on the Mascarpone layer as before, sugar side down.  Drip more espresso over the fingers if they're not dark enough.  

4. Spoon a second layer of Mascarpone/egg mixture across the second layer of Savoiardi.  Use the remaining Mascarpone mixture.  The layer should be about 1cm (3/8in) thick.  [I still had the materials; lady fingers, mixture, and espresso, as well as the headroom in the dish to do a third layer.  My dish was a 2qt, 8 1/2 x 10 or so.]

5. Sift cocoa on the final mascarpone layer.  Do this evenly by spooning the cocoa into a fine mesh sieve.  Hold the sieve over the Tiramisu and tap with your finger.  Cocoa should sprinkle down in an even layer.  Use this technique to cover the Tiramiso with a very thin layer of cocoa.  

Refrigerate for at least 4 hours before serving.  The Tiramisu will taste quite good for several days if refrigerated.  [This might be true.  It hasn't lasted that long.]

So how does it taste?  Brilliant.  Make no mistake, though...this is not the Tiramisu you'll find at the Macaroni Grill or...(shudder)....Applebee's, with it's cloying sweetness and sterile coffee flavor.  This is a completely different animal: the coffee is forward and vibrant with it's many nuances coming through (which is why it's important not to skimp on the real espresso), and the texture luxurious without being heavy, moist without being soggy with just a hint of chocolate.  I didn't even miss the booze, though I'd be curious to see what it would be like with it....next time.

Thanks, Paolo!  And thanks to you all for reading.  See ya next time.  I'm feeling like some corned beef....

The Hipster Chef Says: "I Liked Roasted Red Peppers Before They Were Coulis" (a recipe)

Today's Specials:  Excitement Slathered in a Sauce You're About to Learn to Make with a side of "Oh My God, This is SO Good"


Set to the tune of Red Hot Chili Peppers' Sikamikanico

Ok, gang, it's time to get down to business. Welcome to the first Braised In Captivity recipe entry. It's finally here!!

Today were gonna be making Roasted Red Pepper Coulis. It's a delicious, versatile recipe that will both surprise and keep those you cook for coming back for more.

You need:
6 Red Bell Peppers

1 Cup Heavy Cream

1 Cup Sour Cream
1 Tablespoon Chicken Base*

Spices/Herbs to Flavor (more on this later)

Salt to Taste

A Blender

*What the hell is that?  It's basically just bouillon in a paste form.  At home I use "Better Than Bouillon" brand (the organic line is great), but Stouffer's and Knorr both have similar products.  

Directions:

Step 1: First thing we need to do is roast those peppers.  So, the ridiculously complicated measures you're going to have to take is; remove any little stickers and place the peppers on the actual grates of your range.  That's it.  Turn on your flame and you're on your way!

What's that?  You don't have a gas range?  No problem.  Just throw those bad boys on a foil-lined cookie sheet and broil them in the oven, turning with tongs so the skins blister.  They'll leak all over....so the foil is pretty much there for easy cleanup.

Now what we want is a nice layer of charred pepper skin (there's a good band name in there somewhere).  The point of all this is to remove the skins and impart a nice 'roasted' flavor to the pepper flesh.

So as each side blackens, you're going to turn the (yes...with tongs).  Until eventually we get...

roasted red peppers

Now I know some of you are thinking "what if I leave them on for too long!?!?  Help me mighty Chef Rob!!!"  

What?  

You weren't?  Fuck you!  

But it's pretty hard to leave them on for too long (I hesitate to use the word 'burn' them...since that's kinda the point of all this).  Not impossible, but....difficult. 

So now you need to put them in a container and cover them.  The covering will help the peppers steam and let that charred skin loosen.  Five to ten minutes is all you need.  It's not essential that you do this, but it sure makes it a lot easier.  Which brings us to...

Step 2:  Now that we've got our peppers nice and roasted, steamed, and slightly cooled (but not too cool - cool enough to handle) we want to take a nice sharp knife and cut out the stem, and slice the pepper down the side.  Open it up.  Remove the seeds and ribbing so that:

this

Becomes:

this

See that little knob of seeds and white shit near the top of the pic?  That's all the waste you should have.  Now flip it over.

Now you're ready for...

Step 3:  Scrape the charred skin off of the pepper.

I like to use the back of my chef's knife for this...but you can use whatever you find to be easiest.  Sometimes the skin will stick in a couple places.  That's ok.  Just cut it away or leave it.  Your choice.  We're pureeing this so, in the end, it won't be noticeable.  

Here's what you should be left with after all is said and done:

I like to leave a little of those tiny flecks of char on the pepper.  It's easy enough to remove them through aggressive scraping or rinsing under the faucet, but I don't for a couple of reasons.  1, We're after the oils and fluids which have taken on some of that roasted flavor.  Washing them away seems like a sacrilege.  2, It let's your diners know that, yes....I DID do this myself.  It adds a little touch of humanity.  

At this point I'm reticent to mention that roasted red peppers are available in a jar....packed in oil.  But I strongly suggest making your own (and yes, you can make a big batch, store them in a jar packed in oil. They'll last a while in the fridge).  It just tastes better.  It's also possible to do this with just about any variety of pepper ('duh' note:  if you're using one of the smaller varieties, you'll have to put a grate over your burners). 

Ok...so now we decide what genre of cuisine this will be.  Yes...once you've roasted your own peppers,  you've earned the right to use the word 'cuisine'.  Today, I'm going Indian.  So that means:

1 Tsp Cumin

1 Tbl Coriander 

2 Tbl Curry

2 Tsp Ginger Powder

1/2 Tbl Garlic

1 Tsp Onion powders

The Chicken Base and maybe some Mace if you've got it.

**Yeah, yeah, yeah....I can hear all you judgmental sous-chefs out there saying "Rob!!  Why don't you use real garlic and real ginger?" Well the reason is....you can. And, frankly, it'll taste better if you do. BUT, I'm making this as versatile as possible, and if you add real garlic and ginger, you're gonna need to cook it a little to remove the raw taste from those ingredients.  You can use it right away if you use powdered.**

And here's what's great about this recipe....versatility.  You want Indian, stay with me.  You want Hispanic?  Cumin, Coriander, Chili, Garlic, Mexican Oregano, Paprika...maybe a dash of cinnamon (yeah...trust me).  Want French?  Onion Powder, Garlic, Dill, Marjoram.  Italian?  Basil, Oregano, Rosemary, Thyme and maybe a little fennel and red pepper flake to add a hint of heat.  Irish?  Yer shit outta luck, they don't know how to cook with red peppers.

Getting back to the recipe (stop interrupting):  Put the peppers, whatever flavoring spices you're going with, and the Chicken Base in a blender.  Blend.  If it's too dry, add some cream to lubricate (don't you love that word) the process.  The goal is to get a nice, smooth texture.  Don't add too much cream as the blender may turn it into butter or cause it to curdle.  For the record, this won't affect the flavor too much, but it doesn't look pretty.   Add just enough to get the process started.  A little water will do it if you're afraid of cream.  But I figure if you add liquid, it should be flavored with something.

If you're going to cook some meat or veggies in the sauce, do it now.  Otherwise, proceed to...

Step 4:  Hit it with some Sour Cream.  Mix with a spoon or a couple of spins in the blender.  The reason you don't want to add the sour cream before if you're cooking it some more, is because the heat will cause it to curdle and (again) it's fine flavor-wise....it just looks a little too much like cottage cheese.  

There ya have it.  You should end up with a smooth unctuous (another great word....Braised In Captivity is all about vocab) sauce that tastes....well.....amazing.  It should look like this:

It's great as a dip or sauce, and if you're looking for a Halloween costume, you could do a lot worse.  

Stay tuned for the next installment, Braisers.  Ima show you how to cure your own bacon (you heard me).